prayers of yesterday

Packing.

I am packing up my room. All the stuff that I have always left behind in my closet and dresser drawers on every other adventure.

This time is different. This time seems serious; significant.

I am packing up and doing away with all of these belongings in this house of my childhood.

It is cleansing. It is a little painful. I guess now is as good as time as any to finally stop using this house as my main storage garage. All this stuff sitting around ‘just in case’, it is useless if there is no one using it.

Yoga mats. Dress up clothes. Unpainted canvases and bags of sea shells. Camping equipment, games and tarps.

Packing, cleaning, moving – it always feels like being a lizard shedding a layer of skin. Making room for new growth. Growing more and more into yourself. Each time getting closer to the ideal of your dream self you wish to become.

But what about all those dreams and prayers that have been sought after and prayed about that are real right now? I recently read, “Remember the days when you prayed for the things you have now.” (@gypsyon_)

It made me stop to think about all these big things that have come into my life because it was my focus to work towards them. And some things came to be of their own kind of accord.

I work as a guide. I go on great adventures of radical action in beautiful places with awesome people. I am an outdoors woman.

I drive a sweet little that I sometimes sleep in and live out of.

I am moving to the desert of my hearts calling.

My dreamy man babe is coming with me.

Soon, a couple dogs will be added to our little pack.

But maybe even more important than these material parts are the things I have prayed/striven for within myself that have manifested. Developing a clear sense of what I desire for myself and my life, how I want to live, being more at peace in my own skin, practicing honesty and integrity even when no one else is looking, taking time to sit and meditate and do yoga and just breath in the stillness.

We have to mindfully set our intentions of who we want to be, the lifestyle we want to live, the kinds of people we want to be around. If we do not choose all these things, other people will end up choosing for us.

Someone said to me yesterday that they were jealous of my life. I thought, “Why? I have so much hurt right now, you don’t even know. I am struggling just like you but in my own way.”

Then I thought how much I love my own life, even with the hurts. I love being me because I am actively carving my own way. This life I have right now, it is made up of my dreams, desires and prayers. Of course, I did not become who I am alone. I have had much help along the way. But the constant remains the same: I am always working towards being the person of my dreams and living a life I am totally in love with.

Today is a day to say thank you for all the beautiful things that are here right now.

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